User Profile

I want to help the world so I'm going to invent things. But I won't invent things that will make life easier. I'm going to invent stuff like a Toastertub or a two-in-one nosehair trimmer/jaws of life. I'll be helping the world by ridding it of stupid people because if you buy something called a Toastertub you will get what you deserve.

I like things that have adjectives attached to them already. For example, if I buy a sticky bun I know what I am getting... a bun that is sticky. If I ever do a survey and one of the questions happens to be "What canyon is the best canyon?" I don't even have to think about it. The Grand Canyon. Or if I'm ever in China and I really want to see a good wall I know exactly where to go.

Ever since as long as I can remember the cheetah has been on the endangered species list. People keep trying to save cheetahs but who cares anymore? I think cheetahs want to die. They always look tired and anorexic. They look sick, they have spots and dark circles under their eyes. Most of them are related anyways so odds are they're mating with their cousin. That's not something you'd want to live for. I think it's just the people at Guiness World Records who don't want the cheetahs to die because if they did the Guiness people would have to gather every animal on the planet, make them race, and find out which one gets the title of new 'fastest animal'.

My nephew is going to be awesome when he's older. I can tell because I asked him what he is going to be when he grows up and he said "Spiderman" I thought "Damn... Spiderman? That's a good idea. Being Spiderman. Why didn't I think of that when I was little? I didn't know that was a career option. If you can pull off being Spiderman when you grow up you are set for life. I already know a few girls that wouldn't mind dating you."

Ever catch yourself on MSN too long? You're like, "I started at 1:00 and now it's 5:00... in the morning." You can tell you're really screwed when you say "LOL" in a real conversation.

If I ever get murdered I want to get murdered near a lake. A normal murder scene only has regular cops and stuff. That's the sort of thing that if it's on TV while you're eating dinner you keep it muted. If you're killed near a lake they send in scuba guys. That's attention grabbing video! Everyone watches that. That would make my murder seem more important than it actually would be.

I should get some pictures in here.

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